I've been learning so much during these days of social
distancing, mostly about myself. Although I hate to admit this, it really suits
me well. While so many are struggling with the lack of human contact, I’m
thriving.
Since I started ministry in the most demanding call of
my life, my creative side has all but shriveled up and died. I was wondering if
it was gone forever. But it’s back, in overdrive. I feel wholly alive for
the first time in years.
I’m also enjoying these days because I’m an introvert.
If I had to spend them sharing my space with anyone else right now, it wouldn’t
be pretty. I’ve often thought I could easily become a hermit, and this little
“experiment” is enough to convince me that it’s true. Of course, I do have
social media to keep me connected to other human beings, so maybe I’m cheating.
But still, I’m relishing this time apart from everyone else.
Today, I had to go out. At 7:30 am I was at my retina
doc’s office getting an eye poked. (I receive regular shots for a condition.) I
was surprised at how fearful I felt during the whole ordeal. No, not the having
a man stick a needle in my eye part. I’m talking about the driving my car and
walking to the doctor’s office part. I was on high alert, and the whole time,
it felt like I was in danger.
Why did I feel that way? Obviously, I’m trying hard
not to catch COVID-19. But my fear wasn’t so much about getting sick as it was
about leaving the safety of my nest. I’ve been spending so much time in my house that
venturing out leaves me feeling vulnerable to… to what? I don’t know. I suppose
it leaves me feeling vulnerable to whatever could harm me outside my home. It
dawned on me today that I’m beginning to identify with those who suffer from
agoraphobia. And it’s easier for me to understand people who feel so threatened
when they have to leave the safety of their own little world.
It’s good to know the effect that spending so many
days in seclusion has on me. Yes, it suits me. But not in an entirely healthy
way. It will take me a while, when I return to my regularly scheduled life, to
readjust to being around people.
Re-entry will be challenging for most of us, in
different ways. I pray we will be gentle with other people and ourselves, when
the time comes.
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