I Love Me

Back when I first joined Facebook, we were all posting "25 Random Things About Me" as a way to become better acquainted with one another. I found my list today. I don't recall putting a whole lot of thought into what I was writing when I did it. Really just completing the exercise to get people off my case. But now, as I look back on what I wrote, I can say it pretty accurately describes me. I confess that I haven't always loved who I am. But as I've grown older, I've cut myself some slack and, on my better days, I actually do love myself. I wasted so much of my life longing to be someone else. Now I'm in a place where I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be anybody but who I am. It's taken me a long time to get there. I'm glad I stuck around long enough to love myself.

1. My favorite thing to do on a cold night is get under the electric blanket with Pooky and Romeo. Mmmmmmmmm.

2. I am very self-conscious around other people and hate being the center of attention. There is a part of me that feels like I'm making a fool of myself every time I open my mouth. Sunday mornings take a lot of courage for me.

3. One thing that makes my blood boil is when I'm behind someone making a left-hand turn and they won't claim the intersection. Grrrr!

4. I'm not real keen on chocolate as a rule, but I adore peanut butter. I can eat a pack of Nutter Butter cookies (the wafer kind) in one sitting. (It's what I do when my life falls apart.)

5. I love movies and have already seen all of this year's Oscar contenders.

6. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. When I'm in the groove, it's exhilarating. When I'm not, it's torture.

7. I am very proud of the way my children have turned out, the adults they have become. Both are bright, creative, compassionate people. And neither is a Republican. Thank you, Jesus!

8. When I was growing up I thought I was going to become a band director. Then I started spending all my time with musicians.

9. I was always the skinniest kid in the class and now I'm always trying to lose weight. Come to think of it, no matter how much I weigh I always want to be 10 pounds lighter than I am. Is that a woman thing or just another reason to lament the dominant culture?

10. My dissertation topic was "Nurturing a Social Consciousness through Church Education." It's a lot easier on paper than in real life, believe me.

11. My favorite game is Scrabble. I don't have anyone to play with these days, so I play against the computer. Sometimes I win.

12. I have watched the soap "Guiding Light" for about 40 years. And some of the same people are still on it!

13. I was married to another pastor for 20 years. We've been divorced for 13 years now and it seems like it happened in a previous life. I guess in a way it did. Overall, I remember it as a good life, right up until it wasn't.

14. I have been ordained for 30 years. I can't believe I've made it that long. When I preached my first Easter sermon I couldn't imagine how I'd ever find something else to say about Easter a second time. Now I don't know if I'll ever have enough time to say everything I want to say about it.

15. Of those 30 years, most of them I've spent battling with God, rebelling, resisting and resenting what I thought God wanted me to do. Only recently have I learned to love God enough to want what he wants for me.

16. I'm a grammatical snob. I hate it when people make grammatical errors, especially ME.

17. I have become content with my single life, but I long to find someone to grow old with.

18. The NC mountains are a very spiritual place for me and whenever I am there and then return to Charlotte I feel a sense of loss.

19. When I get riled up about something, you better get out of my way! I'm especially intolerant of intolerance.

20. I always think that it's better to speak up and maybe later be kicking myself for it, than to remain silent and maybe later be kicking myself for it.

21. Most of my life is lived on the interior and I am often unaware of what's going on around me. Hence, always lose my keys, never know where I've parked the car, can't remember if I ate lunch, etc.

22. I love going to live theatre. (Especially if Gretchen's in the play.)

23. Two places I haven't been that I really want to experience before I die: the Grand Canyon and Italy.

24. I've been an orphan since I was 28. That's when my mom died. My dad died when I was 6. I also had a step-dad and he died when I was in my early 20s. Death sucks.

25. I always thought I would have life figured out by the time I was the age I am now. Instead, I've learned that I'll never have it figured out and that it's okay. In fact, the unknown, the mystery, may be the best part of all. I suspect that may be where God lives.