Precrastination

 In June, I was pushing my daughter and son-in-law to get tickets to go to a Mets game in August, and they were resisting me. It made me nuts. Not long after, they had an end-of-the-school-year party where I met people who will be going to Paris in a couple of weeks and, other than flying from NY and landing in Paris, they have no plans. What?! This is beyond comprehension for me. How do people live like this? 

It’s a gross understatement to say that I’m not a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person. I can do it in a pinch, but the very thought of it has me on the ceiling. I don’t understand people who are just asking to be stressed out. Like procrastinators. 

A number of people in my life are procrastinators, to one degree or another, and I’ve spent some time researching why they are the way they are. There is a common understanding that procrastinators tend to be perfectionists. I’m not sure about that. What I do know is that they tend to make their lives more difficult and stressful than they need to be.

It's important for me to have all my affairs in order in case I die today. I have a file for my daughter that includes all the details. In it she will find passcodes for my accounts, my will, payment for all final expenses, instructions for my funeral (including a worship bulletin ready to print after filling in a few blanks like the date of death), and even a slide show. I update this information on a regular basis. God forbid I should exit this planet with loose ends! (Of course there are always loose ends, but I’m in denial.) How can any adult sleep at night if they don’t have a will? Or how can they sleep at night with credit card debt? Or unresolved conflict with another person? Or unfinished shopping the week before Christmas?

It suddenly occurred to me that I am the exact opposite of a procrastinator and that’s why they make me nuts. What is the opposite of procrastination? Perhaps, planning ahead? Or thoughtfulness? When I looked it up, I discovered that there's actually a word for this. One I’d never heard before: precrastination. Is that really a word? Wikipedia tells me, “Precrastination is the act of completing tasks sooner than necessary, often at the expense of increased effort or diminished quality of outcomes.” Instead of feeling vindicated, I feel unfairly judged by this definition. Further reading told me that precrastination is as problematic as procrastination. Could this possibly be true?

This revelation has caused me to rethink my entire life. How I abruptly changed the direction of my life in college. The way I married a man before I really knew him, fully aware that if I waited I would never go through with it. How, whenever I move to a new location, which I’ve frequently done, I always unpack as quickly as possible and can’t rest until it’s done. The way I have all my big trips planned and paid for through 2027. The way I can’t leave an email unanswered. How I can’t leave tasks undone, or thoughts unshared, or decisions unmade. Never before have I ever considered this behavior a problem.

Why am I like this? I’ve tried on a variety of explanations. I can’t leave things unresolved. I don’t want to be caught unprepared. I must clear things from my mental “to do” list to ease my load. I have to act while I’m thinking of it before I forget (an excuse that makes more sense for me now that I’m older).

I’ve long known that I’m a glass-half-empty person. The culture around me tells me this is not a good way to be, so it’s difficult to admit that. But it’s true. No matter how hard I try, I can’t become a glass-half-full person. I always expect something bad to happen, especially when I’m in the midst of lots of good things happening. And guess what? Eventually something bad happens, of course. When it does, it’s okay, because I was prepared for it. It doesn’t knock my feet out from under me. Now I’m wondering, is this just another manifestation of precrastination for me? Could my glass-half-empty outlook explain why I obsessively prepare for what’s to come?

I don’t know exactly what to think of this recent self-revelation. I can’t believe it’s taken over 70 years of my life before I could see it. I could easily have lived without ever seeing it. But it’s there now. So, what do I do with it? I’m going to try my best not to force an explanation for it. Instead, it’s my intention to let it unfold and come to me when and if it comes. Am I capable of that? We’ll see.