I
haven’t stopped thinking about this since my daughter shared it with me because I don’t know if I ever,
in my entire life, saw the world as Nick sees it. I can’t remember a time when
I ever believed that everybody loves me. It’s not something I have experienced or
expected in my life. When I enter a new situation with new people, I never
assume they will love me. I don’t even assume that they will like me.
What a difference it would have made for me if I had been like Nick, and I assumed I could make new friends wherever I went because, of course, everybody loves me. I suspect I would have lived more confidently and courageously. I would have become a woman who isn’t afraid to be who she is. I would have entered into relationships, not from a position of insecurity, needing to be loved by the other, but knowing that I am lovable, and if I’m not loved by the other, it’s not because of a deficiency in me, but a deficiency in the one who doesn’t love me. That would have changed the course of my life, to be sure.
Nothing traumatic happened to make me the way I am. Perhaps it was the circumstances of my childhood, or the way I was parented. Perhaps it’s just the way my brain is wired. But I know I’m not alone. The world is filled with people who don’t assume everybody loves them. Even worse, there are those who have grown up expecting other people to hate them. They live in a world where they’re judged by others for things they can’t control: their ethnicity, their physical appearance, their intellect, their gender identity or sexual orientation… What would their lives be like if they grew up like Nick, believing everybody loves them? What would our world be like?
I suspect that what Nick believes is, in fact, true. He is a lovable kid. I’m not just saying that because I’m his Nana. Other kids love him. He’s smart and funny and kind to other people. What’s not to love? Anywhere he goes, Nick believes people will love him. It’s the best possible world for a five-year-old to live in. Of course, some day, somewhere, there will be someone who doesn’t love him. It will be a painful learning for Nick; I hope it doesn’t happen for him any time soon. But when it does, I trust that he will have stored up enough love within himself to overcome it.
What a difference it would have made for me if I had been like Nick, and I assumed I could make new friends wherever I went because, of course, everybody loves me. I suspect I would have lived more confidently and courageously. I would have become a woman who isn’t afraid to be who she is. I would have entered into relationships, not from a position of insecurity, needing to be loved by the other, but knowing that I am lovable, and if I’m not loved by the other, it’s not because of a deficiency in me, but a deficiency in the one who doesn’t love me. That would have changed the course of my life, to be sure.
Nothing traumatic happened to make me the way I am. Perhaps it was the circumstances of my childhood, or the way I was parented. Perhaps it’s just the way my brain is wired. But I know I’m not alone. The world is filled with people who don’t assume everybody loves them. Even worse, there are those who have grown up expecting other people to hate them. They live in a world where they’re judged by others for things they can’t control: their ethnicity, their physical appearance, their intellect, their gender identity or sexual orientation… What would their lives be like if they grew up like Nick, believing everybody loves them? What would our world be like?
I suspect that what Nick believes is, in fact, true. He is a lovable kid. I’m not just saying that because I’m his Nana. Other kids love him. He’s smart and funny and kind to other people. What’s not to love? Anywhere he goes, Nick believes people will love him. It’s the best possible world for a five-year-old to live in. Of course, some day, somewhere, there will be someone who doesn’t love him. It will be a painful learning for Nick; I hope it doesn’t happen for him any time soon. But when it does, I trust that he will have stored up enough love within himself to overcome it.
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