This week during confirmation class we got into the topic of
circumcision. It’s always fun to break this news to a room filled
with unsuspecting 7th and 8th graders. This year’s class did not
disappoint me. Their faces revealed shock, disgust, disbelief, and, of course,
embarrassment to hear their pastor speaking so matter-of-factly about something
so grizzly happening the male penis. Yes, it’s always a special moment.
And it took me back to an episode from my life that I had
forgotten about. I may not be getting all the details correct, because it was
so long ago, but this is the way I remember it…
In one of my previous lives I was quite involved in
Christian Education events for my denomination, the Evangelical Lutheran Church
in America. We were having a regional conference of some sort for educators. I
was involved in the planning and all the educator-types from Chicago and
Minneapolis were on the scene, as well. For some reason, I either offered or
was offered up, I had responsibility for our entertainment one evening and
ended up moderating a “Hollywood Squares” game with silly questions that only
Christian Educators would appreciate.
One of the better questions I asked was, “What is the one
question confirmation instructors are asked that they fear the most?” The
answer, of course, was, “What is circumcision?”
It was a cute moment and I might have moved on to the next
question, but I saw an opening for a big moment and I went for it.
“You know, I've been reading a lot about whales lately, and do you know how long the male appendage of a blue whale is?”
This was before
smart-phones, so no one knew the answer.
“Ten feet!" I announced with all the amazement in my voice I could muster. "The male appendage on a blue whale is ten feet
long!” Reading the faces of my audience, I could tell that they were more
puzzled than impressed. Why is this woman talking about whale penises at a big
church event? I suspect they were a little worried about what I was going to
say next.
“…so do you know how they circumcise a blue whale?” And now no
one in the audience seemed to be breathing… “Well, it takes four skin-divers.”
The room expoded in laughter. They went nuts. Yes, it was a
BIG moment.
Fast-forward about a year. I’m driving in my car listening
to Garrison Keillor’s annual joke show on “A Prairie Home Companion.” It’s nothing
but non-stop, rapid-fire jokes.
And then I heard it. Garrison Keillor says, “Do you know how
they circumcise a blue whale?” and the punch line follows, “It takes four skin-divers.”
I nearly drove off the road. “He stole my joke! He stole my
joke!” I’m yelling and pounding on the steering wheel.
Obviously, someone from that conference retold my joke and
it made its way to “The Prairie Home Companion.” Garrison Keillor may not have
known it was my joke, but he stole my joke. Without the lead-in, it wasn’t
nearly as funny, but he most definitely stole my freaking joke!
I guess when you release a circumcision joke into the
universe, it belongs to the universe.
