Sunday, June 17, 2012

Table ready for Frankenstein

Lest you think I’m just drifting along without any definitive goals for my life, I hereby declare to all who read “Inside Nancy’s Noodle” that I do indeed have high aspirations for my remaining time on this earth. Recently, I’ve issued a challenge to myself and, as God is my witness (said with clenched fist raised to the sky), I will honor it.

I’m changing the way I make reservations in restaurants. Henceforth, when I go to a restaurant and they ask for my name, I will be calling forth my creative powers. (In other words… I’m going to lie.) As I recall, this concept was introduced to me by my son Ben, some years back. (I could be way off, but that’s the way I remember it.) When we went out to eat, it was his idea to choose a very ethnic name that obviously isn’t our ethnicity. So our very WASPy-looking, blue-eyed family would make a reservation for Chu or Rodriguez or Mohammed. It was good, silly fun.

After all, who says you have to give your real name when you make a dinner reservation? It’s not like an airline reservation where someone is going to check your i.d. and they won’t seat you unless you really are who you say you are. So, why not choose an alias?

The goal of this exercise is to get people’s attention when they hear the host or hostess announce that your table is ready. “Vandalay. Table ready for Vandalay.” The really challenging part comes when you get up to walk to your table. You have to act completely nonchalant about it. If you laugh, it ruins the moment.

The last time I ate out, I used the name Frankenstein, only I pronounced it Fraunkensteen. “Fraunkensteen. Table ready for Fraunkensteen.” I loved it. Now there are others I’m considering for the future. Yes, this is something I think about. Really. I keep a working list on my computer so I can refer to it before going out to eat. You have to imagine each of these aliases being announced in a restaurant to get the full effect. “________. Table ready for ________.” So how about… ?

Fido
Table
Crapper
Catastrophe
Gluttony
Bond, James Bond
Behemoth
Hitler
Goodwench
Bloodsucker
Criminetly
Typhoid
Fungus
Obama

Restaurants that give you little electronic pagers ruin all the fun because they don’t call your name out when your table is ready. So, my quest now is to find those restaurants where you wait to hear them call your name out over a p.a. system.

Of course, this is an experience that’s best shared with friends. Friends who have a very high threshold for embarrassment. Dinner, anyone?

1 comment:

L.D. said...

My favorite would be... "Donner... Donner party of two..." With apologies to any practicing cannibals.